Wednesday, October 12, 2011


What if Amreeka invaded Pakistan

September 28, 2011
PTI leader Imran Khan smirked in a TV appearance commenting about how he was right about the US after all. PHOTO: JAHANZAIB HAQUE
It has happened. The Grand Old party (GOP) has attacked the 
GOP (Government of Pakistan) and its people. Initial threats 
of the US to bomb Pakistan back to the middle ages were met
 with huge laughter by the Pakistani masses. With
 dengue fever, floods, no electricity, target killings, 
and religious intolerance,we are already there you 
fools, the people laughed aloud.  It is now expected 
the bombing might jolt them out of the middle ages 
and send them forward instead. 
Prior to the attack, the American government claimed
 it had solid proof and well written reports printed on 
nice pink paper 
that theHaqqanis were hiding in Pakistan and operating 
freely. Also included was evidence that General Kayani’s
 name rhymed loosely with Haqqani, thus, establishing 
strong relations between the two and proving the army 
was supporting the terrorist group. The WMD search 
team from Iraq has now been redeployed to Pakistan 
to find them.  
Insiders suggest that there is a strong chance the team 
might find the Iraqi weapons in Abbotabad.
The country was overrun in a little less than four hours 
by the US army surprising many as YouTube videos 
and Facebook statuses had hinted to the Pakistan 
army being invincible. 
Early morning drone attacks were conducted country 
wide destroying huge areas and taking many lives. 
No collateral damage was reported. The same evening, 
people shopping on Tariq Road were heard complaining 
about the traffic all this has caused before going back to complaining about inflation. 
Leading TV news channels conducted talk shows and 
gathered large groups of people to sit and discuss the 
events and condemn the western world.
PTI leader Imran Khan smirked in a TV appearance 
commenting about how he was right about the US after all. 
During his speech about how he would turn things around 
after winning the elections, he was interrupted and 
reminded that no elections would be held now.
MQM’s Altaf Hussain performed his regular telethon, 
managing a record breaking nonstop 5 hours. In order to reminisce the good old Karachi days, he requested London 
teens to hold another riot and looting session.
PPP leaders continued to claim that deserting America 
and refusing aid is not in the interest of the country and 
the economy will collapse. And everyone had stopped 
caring already about the PML parties.
Pakistani Taliban groups led rallies of angry crowds 
who were aghast at not being able to find anything to 
break and burn. Several religious leaders were pacified
 by being told that 
America was now led by a Muslim ruler. Evidence 
provided included his skin color, his middle name being 
Hussain and that he could pronounce Pakistan clearly.
China has condemned the attacks and said it would 
continue to support Pakistan by promising to provide 
more buses.
Indians celebrated all over the country. There are now
 talks of a Bollywood movie showing how it was India 
who brought Pakistan down through Rajnikanth
The climax will include a scene about how the Pakistani 
cricket team bows down to the Indians and Shoaib Akhtar apologizes to Sachin.
World markets remained unaffected as the Pakistan 
economy had no influence on the global economy.
In the wake of the attacks, the biggest questions being asked 
by the Republicans are:
“What? Pakistan has no oil?”
With the American army stretched out over Iraq and Afghanistan, the US is looking for new recruits. Strong
 reports indicate that the old disbanded Pakistan army 
will be hired to serve the US government. As per state 
policy, the US has also decided to install a puppet 
government. After great debate the US think tank has 
zeroed in on Asif Zardari as the perfect candidate and an inauguration will follow a Florida-like election event.
News of the conquest has yet to reach the Lyari area 
as fighting between PPP, ANP and MQM continued there.
Meanwhile life was normal in the Defence areas of Karachi
 and Lahore.

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